All Aboard The Ultimate Emotional Rollercoaster

Ever stood in line for a roller coaster and been so excited you felt like you were going to jump out of your own skin and at the same time you were so nervous you could throw up. Then you get on the ride, you commit to riding it by buckling the seat belt, even though everything in you is wondering if this is really the right choice. Through the twists, turns, hills, speed, and loops you continue to wonder if you should have ever gotten on this ride. Somehow though, you have convinced yourself that it is fun and you will probably do it again someday.
That is exactly what our day has been like!
Let's start at the point we decided we were going to get on the roller coaster. This afternoon we received an email from our agency letting us know about an urgent situation somewhere in Oklahoma. The baby boy is already born and he is going to be discharged from the hospital tomorrow (Feb.8). They needed any profiles of interested families ASAP. We asked them to submit ours and in less than an hour we got word that we had been chosen! They said we needed to be in Oklahoma tomorrow and we needed to have $7000 ready today and another huge chunk of change ready for the agency in OK. We barely took any time to deal with our emotions. WE HAD BEEN CHOSEN!!!!
Our agency called and explained that the birth mom had not wanted anything to do with the choice and her social worker and the agency had been the ones who chose our profile. We immediately went into frantic mode. God provided miraculously! We had to get to the bank, have some paperwork notarized, and head home to get packed. We decided I (Shannon) would fly to OK first thing in the morning and Steve would drive the van down tomorrow so we could have a car down there. Plus, we would only have to buy a one way ticket for one person. Everything was going great and we were flying on adrenaline. We still hadn't heard from our agency with any details and worry started setting in (mainly only in my heart...Steve had a supernatural peace the entire time).
Our agency finally called back and told us what the delay had been. (This is where the roller coaster started going super fast and looping everywhere.) Apparently after our profile had been chosen and we had already been notified, another profile was submitted. This other family has already adopted a little boy a few years ago who is African American. (Did I mention the little guy in OK is African American? In all of my dreams about my boys, one of them has always been African American.) The social worker wanted to be fair to the birth mom and give her one last chance to help in the decision process. We were able to be on a conference call with our agency and the agency down there. We were able to share a little bit of our heart and we got some questions answered. They told us we should hear something soon and so we ended the conversation very encouraged. Then..................We didn't hear anything for hours! I was an emotional basket case.
It was weird. I was so emotional (and still am) yet deep in my heart I know that God is all over this situation. He is in control and my one desire is for His will to be done in our lives and the life of this precious baby. I am so thankful that this birth mom chose life for her son and I know that God is going to do what is best for this little guy. Knowing all of that doesn't necessarily take away the emotional turmoil I am feeling as we wait for the decision.
We finally got a call from our agency around 9:30pm. She said the birth mom was having a very difficult time and she was super emotional right now. She was so content when she knew there was a family chosen. Now that there were two families involved she was having a hard time knowing that her decision was going to negatively effect one of the families. Immediately my heart went out to her in such a deep way. I started to imagine how she must be feeling and my heart was broken. She is my HERO!
Long story short...she has asked to have the night to think about it. So she will make her decision tomorrow morning and we should know for sure by noon or 1:00 tomorrow. If we are chosen we will be on our way to OK tomorrow afternoon to pick up our Josiah!
Prayer is the only thing I can ask for right now. Sure there are still a lot of financial questions and of course I will be doing some frantic shopping tomorrow afternoon if we end up heading to OK. However, prayer is the most important thing in this situation. Prayer for the birth mom, prayer for this precious lil guy, prayer for my girls because their emotions have been torn just as much as ours, and prayers for Steve and I. We commit this to you Jesus!
(We will update tomorrow as soon as we know anything!)